i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
