i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
