I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
