Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
