I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize