You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize