I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Shame - the story of my life.
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