Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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