Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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