making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
