So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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