Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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