Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
