If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
