He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The power of my boobs compel you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
