If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
