I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
