u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize