did you get engaged???
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize