Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
