Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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