my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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