between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
