Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
