but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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