Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
