I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
