Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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