my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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