We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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