I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
