Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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