Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
