Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
