So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
