In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
