we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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