so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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