This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
