Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I want to be your penis for a week.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
