im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
