She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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