I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
