Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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