I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
