You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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