YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
