Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
