This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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