you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize