she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
