i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
