everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
