I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
