no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
