he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize