He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
