If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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