NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
