i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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