I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
