i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
