those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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