I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
