She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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