I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
